Title: How to Meet and Influence Women
Author: G. E. Kruckeburg
Publisher: Whiskey Creek Publishing
Rating: You Could Read
Reviewed By: Janelle
How To Meet and Influence Women is a survival manual for the hesitant male. In it, you will learn the secrets of successful seduction, as well as detailed analyses of the female psyche and tips on improving your level of desirability to the gentler gender. Women seem to be born with all the finely tuned mechanisms requisite to the manipulation of the opposite sex. Most men, however, need a little help in that department from time to time. If you’re in that majority, this book is the answer to your prayers.
Oh, where to begin. As a woman I found this book simultaneously hilarious and insulting. After some consideration, I decided the best way to review this would be the break it into three parts: The good, the bad, and truth about woman. I will be using quotes from the book itself. Quotes will be in italics.
First, the good
This is so obvious I’m almost embarrassed to point it out, yet you would be surprised at the number of men who think that all they have to do is turn on the charm and women will fall all over them. And when they don’t, they think there’s something wrong with the women. What these men fail to see is that women are not interested in filling a man’s needs; they have needs of their own, and what they are looking for is someone with enough empathy to recognize that fact and enough interest in them to do something about it.
This is a good place to start, mainly because it is true. Far too often, men seem to believe that merely having a penis makes them God’s gift to women. In centuries past, women could not own property, they were passed from father to husband with little or no consideration of their feelings. These ideas have lived on in some men, manifesting in a sort of gender specific narcissism. That’s not to say some women haven’t taken the feminism movement too far, they have, but they aren’t the topic here.
This leads us into the second good point.
Don’t be a know-it-all. Women are not stupid, and they resent people who insinuate that they are. If a woman makes a mistake, gloss over it; never point it out gloatingly. Ask her opinion in matters that concern her. Never talk down to a woman. Treat every woman as an intellectual equal—and make it a point to immediately forget every blonde joke you hear from your less enlightened male friends.
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, infuriates me more then being treated as stupid just because I was born without testicles. No one person is an expert in all things, and gender has no bearing on IQ, interest, or experience.
The basic rule is simple: say, “I love you” as often as possible, and never say, “I told you so.”
Don’t argue with her...Let her know that she is more important to you than your male ego.
These “rules” really go both ways, and apply to both genders. The most important part of any relationship, be it romantic or platonic, is respect. If you cannot respect the person you are spending time with, or they cannot respect you, the relationship will quickly become parasitic.
With the good points done, it’s time to move on to the failings of this book.
While all of the above are certainly good and noble points, very worthy of note; they, however, were the exception rather then the rule.
Women naturally enjoy sex, and they are naturally interested in men as sexual playmates. Even when their appetites have been repressed by social or religious standards of behavior, women still find sex irresistible—when it’s done right.
Whenever you see two or more women talking together, you can bet that, if they’re not talking about men, they’ve either just finished or they are about to start. The fact that some of this discussion might be disparaging only verifies what my daddy used to say: that women would rather say something bad about men than to not talk about them at all.
This book wins points for the observation that women do, in fact, enjoy sex. A fact that is demonstrated by the existence of this very site and the thousands of others like it across the web. However, these points are lost almost immediately with the undermining idea that women do nothing but talk about men. It was at this moment I turned to a good friend, who has also been my beta and sounding board for many years, and asked her when we last spoke about men, in any capacity. Neither of us could remember ever talking about men at any real length.
At one point this book also advises that, when a girl friend or wife is being “sullen,” it is not a man’s job to find out what is wrong; but instead only to assure her of his feelings. It actually uses the phrase “to change her views to fit your objective – to convince her that whatever has disturbed her is trivial when compared to the extent of your devotion to her.” Because there is nothing a woman sees as devotion like a man who can’t even remember her birthday and considers it trivial.
When a man walks into his living room, he sees a newspaper and an easy chair. A woman walking into the same room sees yesterday’s newspaper still on the coffee table, three days of dust on the furniture, and a carpet that hasn’t been vacuumed in a week. The average woman seems to be incapable of sitting down and relaxing. She is always on the go—from rising early to fix breakfast for the family to picking up the kids and the neighbor’s kids after swim practice. This is usually interpreted as dedication, but in reality it is due to an overriding fear of having time on her hands. Women are scared to death of boredom, and they will do almost anything to prevent it.
There is no nice way to say this, so I will put it bluntly. She’s doing all the work, because you are sitting on your ass. Women are not afraid of boredom, not by a long shot. But to many, free time in a luxury they don’t have. Despite the advances in gender roles, some things are quicker to change then others. While women are now encouraged, even expect, to take a career and earn income for their family, the same cannot be said for men taking up their share of the housework.
I’ve spent a lifetime watching my mother fall into this trap. Both my parents work, but when my dad arrives home he’s “tired and deserves a rest.” Meanwhile, my mother was expected to get dinner on the table and clean up afterwards, and get my brother and I off to our various activities. When I asked her about this blatant inequality, she would say it simply was not worth the fight. I disagree, but I digress.
Women aren’t afraid of boredom, there are just things that need doing.
To a woman, appearance is everything. She will be unhappy if she cannot improve hers, and she will interpret your failure to improve yours as a sign that you don’t care about her.
This is a very sweeping generalization. While to some women – and we all know at least one or two – to whom appearance is paramount, I would wager that the majority aren’t that shallow. While I admit, I put on make up and three inch heels from time to time, I don’t make a habit of it. I spend most days working with my dogs, and they don’t care what I look like.
Have you ever noticed that whenever a woman catches a man looking at her, her first response is a smile? That reaction is a direct result of her obsession with appearances; she knows instinctively that she looks better smiling than not. Furthermore, she realizes that the man, who might otherwise be embarrassed at having been surprised in the act of looking at her, will be put at ease by a smile.
Well, the second part is right, the first is kind of offensive. A smile isn’t about looking good, it is a universal human signal of acceptance and greeting. It is always accompanied by a lifting to the eyebrows, giving the face an open, approachable appearance. This is part of basic body language and goes back to pre-human primates as a way of saying “I am one of you.”
Always be well coifed, and when you’re with a female you want to impress, smooth your hair with your hand. This signal is a universally understood message of sexual interest. (The signal works both ways, incidentally; if you see her arranging her hair in your presence, it indicates that she is interested in you.)
If this were true, I would be a whore. I touch my hair constantly, especially when I’m nervous or thinking hard. Not to mention when it falls in my face. Also, guys who slick back their hair tend to look sleazy and used-car-salesman-like.
“Women lack confidence. They need continual reassurance, not only of their beauty and desirability, but of their very worth as human beings.”
Do I really need to spell out what is wrong with this sentence? Yes, it is nice to hear that I am beautiful and desirable. But, no, I do not lay my self-worth at the feet of what others think of me. Nor do I believe that anyone, male or female, should.
“You can judge a woman’s empathy level from questioning her. Bring up a current instance of genocide (there’s almost always one in progress somewhere in the world) and note her reaction.”
“Hi, my name is John Smith, what do you think of Darfur?” is a really bad line. Talking about politics or religion, especially in these divisive times, is always dicey; opening with genocide isn’t likely to get you a date. Quite frankly, if this was the first subject someone wanted to talk to me about – outside of some very specific events – I’m going to exit the conversation as quickly as possible and avoid them for the rest of forever. It’s creepy.
“A salesman friend of mine once asked me if I knew the difference between rape and ecstasy. When I shrugged and said I didn’t, he said, “Salesmanship.” This is one of those jokes that derives its humor from the fact that it is so very close to the truth.”
I’ve said it in several reviews, but it always bares repeating, and lines like this are why. Rape is a terrible, horrible, traumatic event that can happen to anyone. It’s not a punch line. It’s not acceptable under any circumstances. And it is never sexy! If a guy told me this joke, I’d probably break his nose on principle alone.
They crave reinforcement of their value as human beings and particularly as women—which brings us to a profound insight into the female psyche: a woman will be attracted to any man who shows an interest in her.
Licking your lips when looking at her or letting her catch you looking at her breasts is guaranteed to increase her respiration rate. Probably the most effective body language is the crotch glance. When you meet her in the hallway or on the street, nod and smile at her and then flick your eyes to her crotch—then quickly away. Though she’ll pretend not to, she will notice it, and it will excite her.
And probably flip you the bird as soon as your back is turned. Treating a woman like a piece of meat isn’t the way to make her more receptive. More than likely, it will just piss her off. Unless you are already engaged in a consenting sexual relationship with a woman, keep your eyes above her collar bone. Or at the very least, learn some discretion.
And of course, with most relationships, there must be an end of some kind.
A less tortuous course is to simply convince her that you are a clod. For some of us, this may not seem all that difficult, but you must remember that, where you are concerned, she has her anti-clod filter in place. She doesn’t want to believe that she could get involved with a dork, so you’ll have to really work at convincing her. Stare at other women in restaurants, ask her to repeat what she just said as though you weren’t listening to her, make love as though you’re interested only in satisfying your own needs, and feign indifference when she complains about your boorishness. Throw in a few instances of showing up late for a date without an excuse and several occasions of embarrassing her in front of her friends, and you’re virtually assured of being shown the door.
If you no long want to be in a relationship, grow a pair and tell her. Acting like an ass is just pathetic and cowardly.
The In between
This is section is for those pieces that, while the idea is sound, the logic behind it is screwy.
If she makes a mistake, take charge and fix it for her. If she loses her purse, get on the phone and cancel her credit cards for her. If she overdraws her checking account, put more money in it for her. Don’t berate her if she bangs up your car; just call your insurance agent and get it repaired. Don’t gloat when she buys an antique chair with uneven legs; get your tool kit out and even them up for her. She looks on you as her protector—as her buffer against life’s bumps and bruises. Don’t let her down.
Never criticize her. If she says something you think is stupid, let it pass. If she embarrasses herself, take her in your arms, stroke her hair, and tell her that everything will be all right. Assure her that she will always have your support and that, no matter what she does, she need never fear your displeasure.
Going back to the his own rule, “I love you” is better then “I told you so.” Everyone makes mistakes, and pointing them out at every turn is the fastest way to loose someone you care about. And going out of your way to help someone when they make a mistake, is a great way to say “I love you.”
The mistake here, is the assumption that she needs these things done for her. Setting aside that I’m certain you cannot cancel someone else’s credit cards, the idea that a man needs to be there to fix things for a woman is a foundation of chauvinism. Furthermore, the examples given pander to the age old meme that woman can’t manage money, drive, and are in capable of using tools. It also fails to point out that men are just as human and fallible, and that at some point they too will make a mistake and need support and help.
“The important thing to understand here, however, is that women are not only prone to judge a book by its cover, they have a natural aversion to opening a book whose cover is not at least presentable. In dealing with women, therefore, never rely on your intrinsic value to impress her. You may be brilliant, you may be passionate, you may be the most dedicated man ever created, but if you present yourself as a grubby, unshaven bum in a soiled shirt, all she will see is a grubby, unshaven bum in a soiled shirt.”
In and of itself, the idea is correct. If a man approaches me looking grubby, all I’m going to see is a project. That said, first impressions are everything. You won’t show up to a job interview looking like a slob. If you do, the interviewer – regardless of gender – is going to assume you are too lazy to take care of yourself, and by extension, too lazy to do the job. Simply said, this is not a female trait, but a human one.
As an aside, let me apprise you of still one more I that must be considered in a successful long term relationship. This I is one that is to be avoided—infidelity....Suppress any displays of interest in other women, and avoid intimacy and insinuation like the plague. A woman will not care that you are in a committed relationship; if you send the right signals, she will respond! Women do not recognize such a thing as innocent flirtation. Where men are concerned, their philosophy is all or nothing.
This may seems an odd thing to criticize: infidelity is bad and discouraging it is good. The problem lies in the fact that up until this point, the author has treated having affairs as common place, and at times, even gives advice on how to accomplish them. The about face is so surprising, it almost gave me whiplash.
Also, portraying women as mindless territorial animals who come to heel and fight to the death for a come hither stare is incredibly offensive.
Here is the ugly truth of the modern world, boys.
I. Don’t. Need. You.
That’s right, I said it. In these modern times no woman needs a man. I can own my own home, have my own careers, and call an escort service if I so desire. If I want kids, I can order sperm from an online catalog and have it shipped directly to my doctor’s office.
If you want to attract a woman, remember, women are human. We have thoughts, and feelings, and interests, and ideas, and all can be completely separate from men. Be genuine, don’t fake it. If you don’t drink, don’t go to bars. If you don’t like to dance, avoid clubs. Yes, you can meet women in these places, but you can also meet them in churches or book stores or aquariums. Find women in places and activities you already enjoy. It will give you a baseline, a starting point, and something to talk about without having to make anything up or pretend to be something you aren’t.
And as another point, learn to help out. If I’ve had to get up early to get the kids off the school, spent all day at work, driven all over town getting everyone to the after school activities, made dinner, and cleaned the house; I’m tired, probably pissed off, and I don’t want to have sex.
This book is aimed in he right direction, but it largely misses the point. Most of what is presented is hilarious and/or insulting, and far more likely to get you slapped than a date.